I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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