Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
