genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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