oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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