and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
