Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
