what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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