you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
