after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
