I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
