He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
