In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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