So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
