That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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