but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
