Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
