I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
