At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
