turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
