i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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