Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
