Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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