You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
