Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Found the puke drawer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
