Quick, to the slutcave!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
