Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
