1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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