You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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