I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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