I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Small penises have feelings too.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
