I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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