i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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