Betty ford says i'm here all night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
