So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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