So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
