One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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