so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
