Don't you send me to vm
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
