my sisters under your porch take her home
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
