she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
