I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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