I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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