We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
