Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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