Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
