last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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