people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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