Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
