How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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