The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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