I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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