4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize