i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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