Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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