I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
