I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
